Dearest Fear….
I’ve only just come to understand that you actually exist to protect me…. You’re not my enemy at all…. When you first turned up in my life it was in fact to warn me, to protect me and to encourage me to move away from that which would cause me harm…. Over the years I’ve come to misinterpret and misunderstand your reasons for being in my life…. So much so that I’ve made you into my enemy…. It is slowly dawning on me what a terrible mistake I’ve made.… I’ve misunderstood you and as a consequence demonised you….
By not understanding your role as my protector I’ve come see and experience your warnings as terrifying things to avoid….. So not only have I avoided any situation where you have turned up to warn and protect me, I’ve also become so afraid of your signs that your acts of friendship have been completely overlooked!…. I’m so sorry…. Now for the first time I realise you do not exist to harm me…. You’re my protector, my friend…. And because there has been no dialogue between us over so many years you now simply fight for your survival…. You are afraid that I seek to extinguish you from my life, which indeed has been the case…. You are like everything that lives, you are simply fighting for your existence…. This is why we have been on opposing sides for so long…. How sad…. I have turned you into my enemy…. no wonder you fear my intentions…. All you experience from me is that I want to be rid of you…. No wonder you fight so hard for your place in my life…. You cannot understand why when you seek only to protect me that I fight so hard to be rid of you….
For the first time I understand it from your point of view…. Can we start again?…. Can we let the ignorance on both sides fall away as we come to understand the truth about our relationship?…. From today I will see you for who you really are and start giving thanks for the importance of your friendship…. I hope over time that you will come to trust that I do not want to extinguish you from my life…. I want us to grow together with a new understanding…. I want you to continue to protect me and look out for me, but for that to take place in ways that are more healthy and constructive…. I realise it’s only because I’ve fought with you that you have turned up in more fearsome forms in an attempt to grab my attention…. To force me to look at what I continue to avoid…. I now realise that I need to thank you for that…. I also need you to give me another chance…. I know it may take time for us to build a bond of trust but I want to do that and I know it’s what you want too…. It’s what you’ve always wanted. There is no value in continuing as opposing forces, so much time and energy has been wasted in this tug of war….
Dearest Fear, please let’s walk into the future together as allies and leave the illusions that have blighted our relationship behind…. Thank you for all that you have done for me… Please forgive me for not understanding the real role you have tried to play in my life…. Now I can see you clearly I want us to always be friends….
Take this journey again and again…. and watch how quickly fear becomes your friend!
Also see: Old Friend, Dear Friend and Change Through Compassion