The journey of personal development can be summarised in four phases. These are understanding, resolution, healing and becoming. The more we understand each phase and their relationship to one another, the more we can find our way back home, back to our authentic selves. So much of The Reach Approach is focused on resolution and healing and our research (evidence-based practice) and clinical experience (practice-based evidence) has clearly demonstrated that if we are looking for sustainable solutions, then it is critical to identify the underlying causes. Treating symptoms has its value, but the results are often short-lived, which is why we prefer a whole person approach, where the client/patient is at the centre of their own recovery and healing.
The first phase of personal development is understanding… unless we understand our ailments, we are likely to continue to be unkind to ourselves and keep the wheel of self-loathing turning. Understanding offers us a map and compass… a way home. This phase requires us to be excruciatingly courageous and honest. This takes on-going reflection, self-examination, and compassion, otherwise we are continuously misled, and fail to understand what it is that binds our spirits and stifles our potential.
The reason understanding is so important is because there is little value in treating our addiction when the real problem is self-loathing. Equally, we are not going to get to the heart of depression if we’re not aware that the real issue is our crippling shame. The reason we go around the same loop time and time again, is that we have not accurately named our ailments, and so we continue to suffer because we are treating the wrong issue. And so, the first task of self-improvement is to be clear about the true nature of our problems.
The second phase is resolution… We must not only accurately name our demons but also our part in their ongoing place in our lives. Whilst we act as if we are innocent bystanders, as though we have no part to play in life’s unfolding, then we are forever at the mercy of life’s ebb and flow. We need to be prepared to take responsibility, to face the part that we have played, otherwise we are denied the healing that we seek. Personal responsibility is not about self-condemnation, it is about being truthful and expanding our awareness. As our awareness grows, so does our access to life’s infinite possibilities.
What follows resolution is healing, which is the whole point of the self-improvement journey. True healing is possible when we are no longer hiding, pretending, justifying, and defending. At this point, the river of conscience and integrity runs clear; there is no contamination; there are no mixed messages or contradictions. As a result, we can plug into the energetic matrix, which handles all communication in the universe. This allows us to create energy contracts, enabling us to fix and heal all our deep-seated wounds. This is how we achieve sustainable solutions, because the ‘actual’ problem is being treated.
Now we can move to the fourth phase… that of becoming. Becoming is where all we were born to be is lovingly looking back at us, and there is a deep recognition of our authentic selves as we stand before our potential and promise. This is the start of the next chapter of your story. Use the following template regularly, to help you create a narrative that will enable you to move from understanding to becoming…
Take your mind back to a point in time when you were defiant and fixed, hell bent on being right, so much so you could not see what was right. You will find that many thoughts will be competing for your attention, but your mind always knows what it needs to attend to, so trust it to find the right situation and scene. Take some time to do this now…
Your mind has now taken you back to that moment most calling for your attention. Try as best you can to be an honest observer of that situation and see if you can name the emotions and feelings that were driving your behaviour. Why were you so fixed? Why did you need to win? The more accurately you can see what was going on, the more you can choose to reframe this moment and tell a different story. But first you must know what part you were playing… and why? Owning your part is when resolution begins… and the opportunity for positive change and healing is made possible. Take as long as you need to process this…
Now, you understand what was really going on, imagine yourself putting it right, acting in a way that is more fitting of the situation. Remember, even when we are right, if we do not present our message in the right way, we undermine the truth of our position. So, take some time now to make this situation whole… See yourself being comfortable and at ease, expressing what needs to be said in the right way, with grace and poise, and having no need to be right; your only concern is seeing things unfold in the right way. If this means you need to alter your position, you willing do so. See yourself now handling this scene differently, positively… Take as long as you need to do this.
When you sit in silent reflection and revisit those moments you would rather leave behind, what happens is you change the emotional resonance of those experiences. What this means in practice, is that when your mind goes back to those events, they no longer have the same gravitational pull on your mind. They do not take you back down the same old corridors of shame, anger, guilt, and regret. Your perception is no longer skewed, and as a result, you are able to find equilibrium and peace.
The feelings attached to the original scene have waned. You now see and understand that you were acting in this way because of your patternation (your habits and drivers). Under these circumstances, conscious thought is not at the helm and so you were reacting, not responding. Going forward you will choose this template as the way to reframe the past and not only put right your mistakes but improve the way you turn up in the world.
This is how resolution becomes healing, and healing brings you to the door of becoming. From there a new horizon awaits you and there is the opportunity to make your life anew.
Also see: NOSE