Although our model has four distinct phases (Life Map Work, Shame Work, Darkroom Work and other experiential ways of working and Lifestyle), it is entirely person-specific. This means we always adapt the work to the individual and not the other way around – so, the person is always at the centre of the process. Therefore, no two people have the same experience, even when they pass through all four phases. For those who prefer not to work completely adhering to our approach, we simply use aspects of our model and resources to meet their needs in other ways.
Lifestyle is the fourth and final stage in our process, and unlike the three previous phases, it has a more tutorial feel. We describe our model as a psycho-educational approach because in addition to the therapy offered, there is a teaching and guidance component to the work. This really comes into its own in the lifestyle phase. Although individuals will have been offered numerous resources throughout their journey, it’s in this final chapter where everything is pulled together in a workable, integrated way, as laid out in the Story of Health. The person is then able to fully reclaim their life and fulfil their dreams.
The key to ever-increasing levels of awareness, greater depths in understanding and continued personal growth, is consistency. Until the activities such as mirroring, positive affirmations, guided sleep and inner child work etc., become an established part of our way of life, we will only ever experience short-termism. These activities will provide us with some amazing benefits, but they will be limited if our use of them is casual and irregular. Bursts of enthusiastic and dedicated practice of personal development exercises, followed by periods of little or no activity, can offer at best a form of restricted growth, but it does not give us access to our true potential. In fact, this approach in emotional and psychological terms is very tiring because it is like running up and down stairs, the net result being we do not get very far and are worn out in the process.
When we are consistently employing what we know in our life, there is ascension, which creates a feeling of upliftment, enlightenment and being in control, this is the going upstairs phase. When we cease to do what we know, there is the return to old patterns of behaviour, a feeling of being governed by the past and external events and there is also an erosion of some of the benefits we have gained. This is the coming down stage. A lifestyle that fluctuates in this way offers us disappointment and fatigue, which is followed by doubts about our ability, which in turn creates a sense of hopelessness and failure, and although there will be periods of positivity and euphoria they are only ever short-lived as our inconsistency guarantees decline back into the swamp we are striving to be free of.
This is why it must be stressed that real personal development is not a fad, nor a phase one goes through, it is not a fashion statement or a time-filler; it is a way of life! Personal Development is about ‘knowing and then doing’. It is about making room in our lives for those things that enable us to really get in touch with ourselves and access our inner reservoir of power and potential. Only then can we live our lives as we were meant to; with our fingers on the pulse of the here and now, at one with the magic and mysteries of life.
We are creatures of habit, this is why so many of us are enslaved by activities, mannerisms, and behaviours we really wish to be free of, but their power and influence over us is often overwhelming. Why? Because they have become patterns of behaviour which, through repetition, have gained power and influence, this then enables the behaviour to slowly become part of our nature and personality. The sad thing is that many of our current habits are self-limiting, damaging to our physical and psychological health. It is time to create healthy habits, which begin as fairly brief unintrusive activities, which are introduced into our daily routine, and gradually over time, we extend their practice and ease them gently into our lives. This simple formula of paying attention to what we need and then the regular application of it, creates empowerment, well-being, and the capacity for healthy, stable growth.
Re-parenting is the term that encapsulates much of the knowledge we have acquired and the work we have been doing on ourselves. It is the creating of a structure that has been absent from our lives, which allows our authentic self to emerge onto the stage, in the way it was originally meant to. This process of giving birth to ourselves at times may be painful, uncomfortable, and even make us feel like we want to run and hide, but the gifts it offers us – peace of mind, stability, and contentment – are immeasurable. These gifts are ours for the taking if we allow the experience, skills, and knowledge we have acquired to become part of our lifestyle.
Also see: The Four Stages Personal Growth and Spirit, Mind, Body Plan