Below is an extract from the book Become Part of the Solution, laying out a basic understanding of the roles of protection and growth. The more this topic is understood, the more we are able to make sense of the tug of war between the old and familiar (habits and patterns) and the new and yet to be formed parts of our nature. Until we establish sustainable patterns for growth, we will keep finding ourselves falling under the spell of protection, surviving rather than thriving.
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself”.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 – 1900)
The more you are a student of life’s complexity, the more the role of protection and growth is unveiled. These two giants are perpetually at work. They are the throbbing heart of the universe. In this chapter I will provide you with an overview of their primacy and power. From the cell to the cosmos there is almost nothing this pair does not touch, shape and influence – and to ignore their role denies us access to our own potential and magnificence.
Protection enables growth and growth provides protection
From the moment life is conceived there is a protective force at work, shielding the organism from insults in order that it may grow. In a healthy system protection and growth are always working cooperatively, but when for whatever reason their relationship is spoiled or undermined, then dysfunction and maladaptation begin to drive the process.
The ultimate energy contract is to be found in the relationship between protection and growth. Their pledge is to enable all life with its vast cast of characters to perform the roles each is designed to undertake. Their promise is to carry out their tasks faithfully to ensure that energy can express itself and flourish. However, when the agreement breaks down, then the drive for survival (protection) overrides all previous agreements.
You’ll remember from earlier in the book I provided the illustration of the most common mental health issue, which is anxiety. In that example I explained how the limbic system (amygdala) wrestles away control from the neo-cortex. At this point the instinct to survive is no longer open to reason. In that moment, the threat real or perceived, has now taken ownership of consciousness.
In this example of anxiety, the instinct to protect has not been persuaded that there is sufficient evidence to overcome the threat (leading to growth). This calculation takes place within nanoseconds and if the evidence for growth is not clearly visible and accessible, then the instinct of protection takes over, either temporarily or indefinitely.
Although these two forces are essential to virtually all energetic arrangements and transactions in the universe, it is protection which dominates if sufficient evidence for growth is not present. In a healthy system, both are equal. In an unhealthy system, protection takes primacy because without protection, there is nothing to grow.
There is a fascinating dialogue we need to understand, in order that we can be part of the conversation. The essence of the dialogue is this; we can grow out of any experience or situation, but to move into the growth state, ‘evidence’ of positive change is required. Without evidence the cell will not follow your intention only your actions. Without evidence the unconscious mind will not let go of the old paradigms in favour of new ones, no matter what we promise. Without evidence old habits will not relinquish any ground for new ones. The universe runs on proof.
Remember from chapter 1 that patterns are the DNA of actions. Patterns are the evidence, the proof on which future calculations and transactions are based. They are at the heart of momentum whether it be in a positive or negative direction.
If we are to rely on growth as our means of protection – which is a perfectly reasonable position to undertake – then an evidence-based way of being is required. Positive change cannot be achieved without it.
In the absence of evidence, it is important to keep in mind that protection of the system will take precedence over its growth – and our experience of this may be positive or negative subject to the situation and context.
When anxiety kicks in it is protecting us from a threat, real or imagined and if there is not sufficient evidence that we are in control, in other words, have grown in the ways we need to address the threat, then protection runs in like the arms of the mother, protecting the child from the dog that’s about to pounce. In this moment safety is nature’s highest concern – without a safe, sensitive, and supportive environment, very little can thrive.
Safety and security – nature’s primary narrative
To further understand the primacy of protection, we need to understand that nature’s first concern is for the welfare of all life, energy, and systems and so safety and security are its highest priorities. This statement could be considered by some to be at odds with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (1943) as he, in his famous triangle, puts safety second, as he sees the physiological needs of humans being the highest priority.
Although it’s indisputable that we need food, water, warmth, rest, and space to flourish, I would argue the need to belong and feel love should also be considered as the primary driver alongside those needs. To be loved and to belong would be considered the third need in Maslow’s hierarchy. However, I believe this need is bound up with the physiological requirements. I don’t think they can be neatly separated from what is essential to human development – they are in my experience always entwined.
It’s true that the physical needs contribute to our sense of belonging, our sense of love. But no less important are physical contact, tenderness of touch, quality of eye contact and the harmonic sound of a voice that loves and cares. These make a qualitative difference. They add something crucial alongside the physiological needs – and as a result, feelings of safety and security are created. I think our emotional and psychological needs are enmeshed with our physical needs, which makes it a more complex picture when working with damage and trauma. I also believe we need to apply this understanding in a ‘person specific’ way. We need to take account of how these needs play out with different individuals and the contexts in which they find themselves.
Whether you study cells, animals, the environment, or any other aspect of the human experience, you will find the pursuit of safety is nature’s greatest concern because she understands that unless safety and security are maintained the organism or system cannot thrive and flourish.
As a psychotherapist, when I’m working with clients, whether that be individuals, couples or groups, my primary concern is to create a safe, sensitive, and supportive space. This is because I know the individual(s) is much more likely to take the risks required to create their growth in such an environment.
I have yet to come across someone who is willing to risk all when they do not feel sufficiently held by the space and by me. I would go further and say that no matter how much experience you have and how skilled you are, no matter how effective your model, strategy or intervention, without creating a sense of security on which the therapeutic relationship can be built, little progress will be made.
There is overwhelming research in this area looking at family systems where we can see a clear correlation between a child’s emotional and psychological development and the degree of safety and security they feel from their caregivers. I mentioned the role of attachment in the previous chapter, highlighting that where secure attachments exist individuals experience love and a sense of their own value and worth. Insecure attachments on the other hand leave the child/adult grasping for those things that will address their deficiencies and needs.
When children are surrounded by fear, uncertainty, and mixed messages they are unable to create secure and positive attachments, so their sense of self is fractured. They end up with a poor self-image. Their primary concern is then to fit in in any way they can. Unconsciously they go in pursuit of an alternative family if the family they were born into does not provide the conditions they need. It’s in the pursuit of belonging, fitting in, that so many children and adolescents lose their way.
Without understanding the power of this dynamic, this core driver, we are unlikely to understand much of the dysfunctional and maladaptive behaviour we see in our society today. If we are to stem the tide of antisocial behaviour then we must do something about creating safe, secure spaces where positive, healthy attachments can be formed.
From my experience, working at the coalface, this needs to start in families and primary school education. If we don’t get this message to take root in families, we will continue to see the fabric of society unravel. If we don’t adapt our educational system in a way that embraces these values and principles, then the next generation can only keep adding to the mistakes that have already been made.
A manifesto for positive change
As previously stated, protection is needed for there to be growth. So, when considering a personal manifesto for positive change, we need to bear this fact in mind. This needs to start with self-care. In the prequel, Synergy, I discussed this topic at some length and those of you familiar with The Reach Approach will know it is a central character in the wonderful cast we have assembled. Its message is clear, optimal living and the fulfilment of one’s meaning and purpose, is only really achieved when we are meeting our core needs. This is how we protect ourselves from the ravages of negativity and from those urges and impulses that lead us to disrespect ourselves and others.
Once a culture of self-care is installed, it naturally spills into our relationships and our homes as an attitude of compassion replaces one of fear and criticism. The empathy and sensitivity that is generated makes the home a safe space, one where conversations of the heart can easily take place. Children can trust their environments because they are surrounded by kindness and love. They can feel and experience their caregivers being stable and aware. This connects them with their core nature as a virtuous cycle is created where self-care produces welfare, a space in which all participants are nourished and can grow.
We need an education system built on these principles, a system that values citizenship and teaches our children how to be the best humans they can be in their families and communities. Such an education programme also needs clear and consistent boundaries that create a sense of safety, enhancing the opportunities for learning and growth.
English, maths, the arts and sciences would remain focal points of any educational programme, but especially in primary school we need to lay the foundation of ‘right action’ – promoting the idea of treating others the way we wish to be treated. This would mean including in the curriculum something that encompasses an ethical way of living.
To create such a system, the focus would be much more on values, promoting the need for kindness, patience, friendship, generosity, and equality. Only then will we create a world where teachers, midwives, scientists, electricians, plumbers, workers of all denominations have an ethical framework and a code of conduct that not only makes them better at what they do, but makes them better humans too, because they are driven by the need to do what’s right rather than being right.
A society with these values would be inclusive, protective, offering safety and security. And if these values were taught at an early age the children of today would become kind custodians of tomorrow because they would understand that growth in every area of human life depends on such values.
For many this will seem like a Utopian idea or maybe the stuff of science fiction – where idealism has replaced the reality of how things are. But I would dare to say that if we took these concepts seriously and if we began to create a culture where humanity came first, where kindness was understood to be beneficial to all, then we could literally change the landscape.
But for this to be the case, we first need a small group of committed people who are keen to begin by changing themselves, their physical spaces, their relationships, the way they live and act, and who quietly campaign through their example for a better world. If we all keep thinking there’s nothing we can do, then nothing will change. No effort sincerely made is ever in vain. Stop finding reasons to opt out and look for reasons to opt in.
A manifesto for positive change is a three-dimensional concept and this brief sketch is only illuminating one tiny corner of what is needed – but it is an important cornerstone. Five hundred years before Christ, Confucius advocated a culture built on Ren. Ren is a position where one’s actions are steeped in love and that love is bound up in the very fabric of our governments, institutions, and families and this enables the self to flourish. This is a ‘we, not me’ system. We now need a culture based on Ren.
Until we are prepared to commit ourselves to something much bigger than any one of us, the cycle of protection and growth will spin out of control, creating much of the chaos we see around us. We need to understand that if we don’t put in place those conditions that generate safety and security then we become victims of chance and circumstance.
So, in closing, look for ways to create safety and security in your life, so that the overwhelming power of the survival mechanism does not prevent you from growing.
Also see: Change is a Process Not an Event – Overview and Change is a Process Not an Event – Summary