The community of the self, also known as the community of subpersonalities, has a hierarchy. This idea was briefly discussed in ‘Catching Yourself in the Act’ (Subpersonalities Part 5).
It is important to understand this hierarchy, because it will enable you to gain control over your subpersonalities and the internal culture that has been created… which is a kingdom now under siege. The sovereign, the authentic self, is no longer seated on the throne of self-respect, self-belief, and self-love. And the subjects of this kingdom now run amock, with chaos and uncertainty as the norm, each subpersonality acting in its own self-interest, each one seeking out allies to further its agenda. Any charter for peace and harmony has been destroyed, with numerous opposing philosophies now the order of the day.
Out of the ashes of this fall from grace emerges a leader; and that leader is the controller. To understand why it is the controller that emerges as the primary subpersonality, we need to understand the nature of the human condition. Nature’s primary narrative is safety and survival; nothing comes before this, because without them, there can be no growth, there can be no progress. So, when the fall of the kingdom takes place, to ensure the survival of what remains, safety and security become the primary objectives, and no one is better equipped for this role than the controller.
When the kingdom is whole, it is the controller that beats at the heart of the community of the self, offering its patient, wise, kind diplomacy. At this point, the controller operates in a healthy manner, and in no way dominates proceedings. However, by the time the kingdom collapses, in the panic that ensues, the controller seeks to create safety by any means necessary. And the other subpersonalities that emerge are given this same mandate.
The more time you spend with your controller, the more you will see that it hides in plain sight, leaving the other subpersonalities to take the limelight. This is why the controller is often in the first instance not identified as the director, casting director, script writer and executive producer; in other words, the one behind it all. Once this vital role has been understood, you can begin to identify where unhealthy control is driving your behaviour. To achieve this and make progress, you need to become skilled at catching yourself in the act, otherwise you will become entangled in the web the controller weaves; and you won’t even be aware that this is the case.
So much of the time we are acting in ways that disempower us, and yet we mindlessly defend our unhealthy habits and patterns. This is what happens when survival takes over from growth. Growth is busy looking for ways to keep the organism expanding, evolving and fulfilling its ambitions, whereas protection is only concerned with reaching the next port. It has no spare capacity or time to be focused on the destination. Its agenda is ‘if we don’t have the provisions to make it through the day, what value is there in being concerned about the destination’.
And so, the controller is always looking for the solution to the problem in front of it, which is why we can find ourselves making decisions that in hindsight do not make sense and may even cause greater harm in the long term.
The controller in its current form is always seeking to manage the situation in line with its vision and desire. To do this it often has to persuade others to do its bidding. The problem with this is when controlling others, we are steering them away from their path and their reason for being, which is unfair and often unkind. Unfortunately, the controller is not seeing the bigger picture and is acting in its own self-interest… it believes it knows best. There are times when that will be the case, but there are just as many times when this will not be true.
It is so important to understand how your controller is influencing those around you, because if you are steering them away from their path, then your own path will be obscured. We cannot reach our desired destination whilst getting in the way of others. So, to identify where you are doing this, you will have to pay attention to catch yourself in the act, and when you do, do your best to choose a different course.
In the Catching Yourself in the Act worksheet, you are invited to envisage a triangle, which has three tiers. This relates to the power and influence each of the subpersonalities has. You have now learnt that the controller is the leader and therefore is the one who sits at the pinnacle of this triangle. On the second tier there are three subpersonalities, and the one who occupies the middle position, will be the one that you may well have thought of as your primary subpersonality. This is because it is the one who seems to have been responsible for so many of your choices and decisions. This subpersonality is the one that the controller will have most used to fulfil that safety and survival agenda. If you look closely, you will be able to see all the different ways that this subpersonality has been trying to keep you safe in the best way it knows how. However, under closer scrutiny you can see that the ways in which it has been doing this are not healthy, but when survival is the agenda, reason is no longer the order of the day.
Either side of this subpersonality (on the second tier) will be the next most powerful and influential subpersonalities. These will be the ones that often turn up in different combinations together. They create very powerful dyads and triads but are more than capable of turning up on their own. The more you practise catching yourself in the act, the more you will be able to see these powerful performances, and how they have been shaping your life; and you will start to recognise how often you are at the mercy of the first and second tiers.
The third tier should not be underestimated, because these are influential lieutenants, always ready and willing to honour the agenda, and protect the community. Often these subpersonalities take the limelight, and when you scratch deeper, you come to discover they are acting under the influence of the controller, trying to maintain the status quo at any cost.
The concept of the triangle gives us wonderful insight into the topography of our souls. If you use this information wisely, you’ll be able to relight the torch of hope and climb back onto that seat of self-respect and self-love, taking your rightful place at the centre of your kingdom… the kingdom of the self. This is where real power resides… in self-mastery, not in controlling others.
Self-mastery is a self-realised state where you do no harm to yourself, and where you never knowingly hurt the hearts of others. It is a position of deep love, respect and reverence for life. Whenever you walk the path of healthy control, your own path to authenticity will open up before you.
So, your mission if you are willing to take up the challenge is to spend time getting to know and understand your controller. Developing the habit of catching yourself in the act will also enable you to work out and understand all three tiers. Armed with this knowledge, and the insights that come from such mindful introspection, the pathway to your own liberation will become clear and certain, and your community of the self can become whole and divine once more.
Also see: Subpersonalities (Part 5) Catching Yourself in the Act