Subpersonalities is a vast subject, and navigating one’s way through this maze is not an easy task. It involves knowledge, understanding, commitment, kindness and patience.
To aid you in this undertaking you need to develop awareness and to learn the art of paying attention. We refer to this at Reach as ‘catching yourself in the act’. What this means in practice is, having identified your subpersonalities, you then need to work out how they turn up in your life. This is easier said than done, because so many of your subpersonalities have become mistaken for who you are. In other words, you’re so aligned to them, it is not easy to make a distinction between what is really you, and what you’ve become. What makes this challenge even more difficult is that your defence mechanisms have become so sophisticated, that you are often unknowingly justifying, defending, and pretending your way through so many scenes in your life. All in the hope that you will not be found out. To change this, you need to make the unconscious conscious.
Our need to be loved and belong is so great that we’ll do almost anything to get this need met and the subpersonalities have become the champions of this cause. They will navigate the choppy waters of life, using their great survival skills to find the best way back to shore. They are incredibly creative and resilient, which is another reason why it’s not easy to identify their ways without paying attention. We must keep looking, and looking again, if we are to identify their patterns and idiosyncrasies. In this task we must not fail, because the destiny of our souls depends on it.
So, what does ‘catching yourself in the act’ mean in practice? Well, firstly as previously stated, you must identify your subpersonalities, then you need to spend some time getting to know each of them and how they behave. To help you with this, ask yourself the following questions:
When and where does that subpersonality turn up?
Why does it turn up… what are the triggers?
How does it turn up, and in what forms?
How does it play out? How does it navigate its way through the situation/scenario?
These questions will help you to identify the primary traits of your key subpersonalities and help you to better understand their behaviours in their natural habitat.
Understanding the theory behind subpersonalities is valuable, but to really bring the subject to life, you need to understand the environmental cues and triggers for those subpersonalities. Because without that you will struggle to separate these acquired selves from your authentic self, making it difficult to return to your original state of consciousness, when you first entered the world ready to share your light and promise.
The more you practise catching yourself in the act, using these questions as a guide, the more you will come to understand that the subpersonalities are not your enemies, they have no desire to harm you. They are always trying to make the best decisions they know how, based on the life experiences you have had up to this point and what strategies they have developed for managing those.
So, when catching yourself in the act, ensure kind eyes are always a part of the process. Turn down the volume on any negative judgment, because it will not help. Then do your best to map out your internal topography, because the closer you look, the more you will see the different relationships and formations. There will be common dyads and triads, where the subpersonalities have learnt what the best combinations are for achieving a specific outcome. There is no definitive arrangement when it comes to these relationships, because the environmental factors play a significant role in determining which ones turn up, and whether they turn up alone or together. But there are some classic pairings worthy of mention, such as:
The inner critic and the people pleaser
The controller and the manipulator
The victim and the catastrophiser
The procrastinator and the defender
The attention seeker and the child
The overtrader and the martyr
The complainer and the cynic
The chameleon and the watcher
Do not consider this to be a definitive list, because there are many permutations, but these are good examples of how subpersonalities seek out a companion that they know are best suited to assist them in the name of a particular cause.
Once you have worked out your inner landscape, it is helpful to consider the hierarchical nature of these subpersonalities. As previously stated in other articles we’ve produced on this subject, the primary subpersonalities are a group of eight or nine. If you have a number greater than that, it’s almost certainly because you have not distilled this group down far enough. There will always be one in pole position, and there are those that are the co-stars to this principal actor, and those co-stars are also supported in their roles by other influential subpersonalities.
A very helpful way to conceptualise their relationships to one another, is to picture a triangle and imagine it has three tiers. At the apex is the primary subpersonality, on the row below are the three next most powerful subpersonalities, and on the bottom row will be a further four or five that play key roles.
The subpersonality that is in pole position is always the controller, even if you have not identified this amongst your list. This is the subpersonality that is the orchestrator, the conductor, the puppet master behind the scenes. Its primary task is to ensure safety, security and survival, and there is almost nothing it will not do to achieve this outcome. To find out more about the controller, see the handout on this subject.
To work out where your primary subpersonalities are positioned, you need to be honest and fearless. You will also have to spend some time in quiet reflection and contemplation to work out how they manifest in your life. You may find this easy to do on your own, but equally you may need the assistance of a skilled helper… and from there the journey to virtue-facing can begin.
Virtue-facing, which is explored in Subpersonalities Part 4, is where, having developed an intimate understanding of your subpersonalities, you explore and expand the virtuous aspects of their nature. To help you do this, you are invited to create a peace treaty, which is a mission statement inviting the community of the self to work as one, once more, reinstating the authentic self to its primary position.
Make a pledge to spend quality time each day catching yourself in the act, and your unconscious mind will become conscious. This is probably the most important thing you will ever do for your growth and progress.
Also see: Subpersonalities – Virtue Facing (Part 4) and Virtues Always Travel in Pairs.