What is incongruence? To be incongruent is to not be true to oneself. It’s to say one thing but to do another. To have good intentions but for whatever reason to not carry them out. A congruent human being is transparent and their thoughts, words and deeds are seamlessly woven together. What they say is what they do. Congruence is to be true to you.

Those who have the courage to look at themselves, to look their demon(s) in the eye, are to be applauded. The most difficult journey one is likely to take is the one of self-examination. Looking into the abyss of the self is not for the faint-hearted because one is not always going to like what one sees. Yet it’s within self-examination that the true self is found. On closer inspection we will all find there is a jewel inside waiting to be discovered. It has often been caked in the mud of past, self-limiting beliefs and our subconscious conditioning. If we do not have the courage to look into that abyss we’re almost certainly bound to remain slaves to these things and never discover that priceless jewel. However, the thing that blocks us most from our beauty is our own incongruence. Therefore, in order to be free, we need to turn and face it and by acknowledging its existence and embracing it we can begin to turn the tide.

Find some time to sit on your own in quiet reflection and consider where the inconsistencies are in your life. Where are the points of contradiction? Wherever they are is where your power is leaking away. The Ancient Masters referred to it as the ‘hole in the soul’, the point from which the power of the self leaks away. So where is the hole(s) in your soul? Make the time to compose your list. This is probably the most important list you’ll ever compile. This is what we mean by an inventory of incongruence.

Once you have compiled this list don’t use it to beat yourself with. This list will help you to understand why you’re unable to discover the jewel within. It holds the key to why your beauty continues to evade you. It is because of these things that doubt, inadequacy and fear continue to undermine who you really are. This list needs to become part of your strategy for self improvement because once you know where the hole(s) in your soul is, it’s important to stop the power leaking away. The process starts by not hiding your mistakes; it’s time to learn from them. Use them as tools for progress (see: Making Mistakes). The more honest and honourable you are in your dealings, the quicker you will stop your power from leaking away. Try moving through your life with greater humility, striving to leave only positive impressions, making a difference wherever you go. Be more truthful but not unkind. Be more benevolent with your judgment and more forgiving of others and you will find a gentle, soft, yet strong centre that exists in us all. Transcend your defences, don’t reinforce them. Make a pledge now that whenever you see incongruence in yourself you will do all you can to reduce and ultimately remove it. Remember the more contempt you have for yourself and your own actions the more you will need to hide them from yourself and the world. This is not the way! Take this journey of courage and truth but with compassion (see: Change Through Compassion) and you will discover the enormity of who you are. Before you go and do anything else, take a moment now to at least begin your list. It’s a vital first step towards being more whole and fulfilled. Don’t use your list to condemn yourself, use it to plot your escape!


Also see: The Blame Game and Non-Negotiables