Dearest Fear

Dearest Fear Iʼve only just come to understand that you actually exist to protect me…. Youʼre not my enemy at all…. When you first turned up in my life it was in fact to warn me, to protect me and to encourage me to move away from that which would cause me harm….

Over the years Iʼve come to misinterpret and misunderstand your reasons for being in my life…. So much so that Iʼve made you into my enemy…. It is slowly dawning on me what a terrible mistake Iʼve made…. Iʼve misunderstood you and as a consequence demonised you…. By not understanding your role as my protector Iʼve come see and experience your warnings as terrifying things to avoid….. So not only have I avoided any situation where you have turned up to warn and protect me, Iʼve also become so afraid of your signs that your acts of friendship have been completely overlooked!….

Iʼm so sorry…. Now for the first time I realise you do not exist to harm me…. Youʼre my protector, my friend…. And because there has been no dialogue between us over so many years you now simply fight for your survival…. You are afraid that I seek to extinguish you from my life, which indeed has been the case…. You are like everything that lives, you are simply fighting for your survival…. This is why we have been on opposing sides for so long…. How sad. I have turned you into my enemy…. no wonder you fear my intentions…. All you experience from me is that I want to be rid of you…. No wonder you fight so hard for your place in my life….

You cannot understand why when you seek only to protect me that I fight so hard to be rid of you…. For the first time I understand it from your point of view…. Can we start again? Can we let the ignorance on both sides fall away as we come to understand the truth about our relationship?…. From today I will see you for who you really are and start giving thanks for the importance of your friendship…. I hope over time that you will come to trust that I do not want to extinguish you from my life….

That was a response borne of interpreting you as a negative force in my life…. I now realise you really are not…. I want us to grow together with a new understanding…. I want you to continue to protect me and look out for me, but for that to take place in ways that are more healthy and constructive…. I realise itʼs only because Iʼve fought with you that you have turned up in more fearsome forms in an attempt to grab my attention…. To force me to look at what I continue to avoid…. I now realise that I need to thank you for that…. I also need you to give me another chance…. I know it may take time for us to build a bond of trust but I want to do that and I know itʼs what you want too….

Itʼs what youʼve always wanted. There is no value in continuing as opposing forces, so much time and energy has been wasted in this tug of war…. Dearest Fear, please letʼs walk into the future together as allies and leave the illusions that have blighted our relationship behind…. Thank you for all that you have done for me… Please forgive me for not understanding the real role you have tried to play in my life…. Now I can see you clearly I want us to always be friends….

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