CONTRIBUTIONS 15 -

PEACE TREATY

Here’s a wonderful example of someone’s journey through the maze of their subpersonalities, which led to them creating a peace treaty. The peace treaty is the whole point of this journey of self-examination. This person then recorded this powerful conversation she set up between the different characters, which she listens to regularly, and has helped to develop a bond within her inner community.

To find out more about this fascinating subject, please take a look at the Subpersonalities series – best read in this order:

Subpersonalities – Making Peace With Your Subpersonalities (part 1)

Subpersonalities – Primary Characters and Traits (part 2)

Subpersonalities – The Peace Treaty (part 3)

Subpersonalities – Virtue Facing (part 4)

Dear Subpersonalities,

I have gathered you all here today because without you I would never have made it in fact – ALL of you are the reason that I have got this far in my life and I will be forever grateful for that. However, in getting me here there are now some things that have become entrenched to the way that I am, the way that I act and the way that I behave that really NOW are impediments to me going forward.

Dear Controller,

Although you have been just what has been needed to keep my busy life on track and for that I am grateful, it is no longer necessary to be so fixed, controlling and unaccommodating with others. If you could learn to be more flexible and patient, understanding things from others’ perspective, compassionate and accepting of their ways, you could release your happier true self.

Dear Inner Critic,

You are hard on yourself because you are concerned about what others think about you, fear failure and you can see problems where others don’t. Thanks for trying to push me make the most of my talents and find success in life but it’s time to be kinder to myself and to have the courage to face the fear of failure, content with my best efforts and find solutions rather than seeing problems.

Dear Saboteur,

You also need to work with the Inner Critic and be more optimistic about solving problems and not give up through fear of failure. Please be compassionate to yourself and others – I know that you have intervened in an attempt to avoid catastrophe but it’s time for a more positive and optimistic outlook to release the best in me.

Dear Perfectionist,

I know that you think that you are supporting me in my quest for others to think highly of me and to judge me favourably – thank you – we have done well through life’s challenges but this is not always helpful and can be destructive at times. Please learn to accept that your best is good enough, let go of the obsession with perfection and learn to be obsessed with a healthier way of living and thinking based on confidence, wisdom and optimism.

Dear Overtrader,

I understand that you want to get things done and try to make things happen that you really believe are central to your survival but the reality is that you are becoming exhausted. You need to learn to take control, plan your time and structure it so that life is more manageable and you are more measured. Please learn to be kinder to yourself and learn self respect – say no when over -stretched and put in place boundaries. You don’t need to overtrade to be validated or valued by others – have more confidence that you are already enough without driving yourself relentlessly.

Dear Child,

You are great fun and at times keep me sane with your perspective on life and playful sense of humour. However, your childlike ways and innocence are not helpful in every situation and should not be used to mask a lack of confidence. On such occasions you need to learn to be self -assured and courageous – find the strength and resources to maintain composure and project in an appropriate, confident and measured way.

Dear Chameleon,

I understand that you want to help me fit in which is a good thing and it helps others to feel comfortable too but the inconsistency has become confusing and at times the real me is lost. You must learn to have the courage of your convictions and be more self assured. Be brave enough to be yourself and comfortable in your own skin – you know that it is the honest thing to do and you are ultimately a person of integrity.

Dear People Pleaser,

In many ways you are like the chameleon and you have been working together to ensure that I fit in. In doing so you have not always been kind or shown self-respect and at times this has been frustrating and resulted in me begrudging others. You need to have more confidence in yourself and structure your life and make plans to ensure that your own needs are met and not compromised by the needs of others. Only then will you start to behave with consistency, honestly and be happy and true to your self.

Thank you all for coming together as part of this community of self and recognising the need to work together to create a greater authentic self – we now agree to move forwards;

With Flexibility and patience, contentment and courage, being positive and solution -focussed, kinder to the self and compassionate with others.

Stop being obsessed with perfection and learn to have more faith in the self and be more confident and optimistic, recognise your true value and develop boundaries dictated by self respect.

Being more structured, measured and planning time carefully resulting in more composure. Have the courage to be your true self at all times and in all situations and behave kindly and consistently with others without compromising your values and beliefs.

Anon, UK.

“There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with”.

Harry Crews (1935 – 2012)

Coaching Plus – Personal Development Programme

I met Sat in November 2019. At that time, I was struggling in my career, I was confused in my professional choices and seeking positive change. With his help and knowledge, I defined the edges of a clearer vision for my future. Identifying my values, my strengths, celebrating my achievements… each exercise supported me to define my unique path.

If 2020 is, for a majority of people, a year to forget about, it was for me the occasion to join the Coaching Plus Programme. Clearly, the best decision I made this year. As we were facing new challenges, Sat brought me on one of the most interesting journeys of my life.

This programme is an exploration, a self-discovery through exercises, activities and discussions that helped me improve my mental and physical health. It was the perfect time to learn about myself, to take care of me. With Sat’s guidance I created new habits, I gained in confidence, raised my self-awareness. I grew up. Sat’s patience and positivity were of major support during these turbulent months, thanks to him I found more balance and control. He always adapts our meetings to my needs or my curiosity on different topics; our conversations are rich, full of questioning and various recommendations.

Through the “Story of Health” chapter, I had the opportunity to work on the primary elements of the self; Body, Mind and Spirit and their interface with my Environment. In theory, we all know what is necessary for our body to function properly. But when we actually look closer, daily, we realise we might have missed something crucial over the years. The first example which comes to my mind is hydration. A simple gesture, so obvious and natural but very damaging if not taken seriously. By just increasing the amount of water I drink every day, my skin changed, it helps with my digestion, and I learnt all the benefits for my cells and health.

Breathing exercises were also a game-changer. These techniques allowed me to manage stress, improved my sleep and generally brought calm and clarity into my mind. Sat also introduced me to the power of Positive Affirmations. They target our belief system and helps us develop a healthy mental environment by using repetitive uplifting statements. The process restores confidence, self-esteem, and reverses the flow of negative perceptions we might have about ourselves. The “Story of Health” is an eye-opening journey accessible to everyone looking for positive change.

The Coaching Plus Programme covers a large range of subjects, situations, helping me navigate life. It opened my horizons and nourished my knowledge in a lot of aspects. It’s a giant toolbox that I’ll carry and use in my future.

My journey isn’t over yet and I’m looking forward to the next step. Thank you Sat, sincerely.

Mathilde

“The only journey is the one within”.

Rainer Maria Rilke (1875 – 1926)

I’ve been having therapy sessions with Donella for several years now, and her guidance has been invaluable and irreplaceable. I feel truly lucky to have such an attentive and kind-hearted person by my side. I have never confided in anyone else like I have with Donella, and that alone says a lot about her.

Donella and I initially worked together in London in 2015 when I was 23. When I moved to Berlin in 2016, she suggested we continued our sessions via Skype, which I was very touched and thankful for (I tried out other therapists in Germany but none ever compared to Donella). Donella is a highly experienced, patient, caring, and empathetic therapist – and that is to say the least. I’d been struggling with depression for many years before I met her, and Donella provided me with a safe place to talk about my feelings, especially shame and guilt. Most importantly, she is always there for me and makes me feel understood. She listens carefully and without judgement.

My personal issues included repetitive self-harm, an ingrained belief that I was “not good enough” and that I was “a horrible person”. Throughout our regular sessions, Donella taught me how to be less harsh on myself and switch the way I perceived myself. Donella made me see that it was not that I was a bad person but that I was making bad choices in life. Donella was curious as to why I tended to make bad choices and why I had such a negative self-image, so we started tracing back the main events of my childhood and undertook what she (and Reach) call shame work.

Together, we dived into each painful memory of my past, to get a better grasp of the reasons for my present ill-being. It turns out I was treating myself the way my parents treated me. Donella helped bring to light the fact that although I couldn’t change the past, I could change my thoughts about it. I learnt that life is not immutable, I can change, it is not too late. I am a work in progress. Thanks to Donella, I gradually ceased to have mother-related nightmares and learnt that blaming other people for my unhappiness equalled giving up my power. She taught me self-compassion and forgiveness. She taught me that anger, guilt and worry never makes anyone feel better, nor do they change a situation. She taught me that I am worthy regardless of my achievements. She opened my eyes to the fact that my self-harm was a coping mechanism, and taught me how to replace it with healthy coping mechanisms. She taught me the importance of changing my internal dialogue, and gave me valuable tools to get to know myself better.

With a combination of fortnightly sessions, daily affirmations, self-help books, meditative recordings and adequate supplementation, I started to witness positive change within me. Over time, I reduced my self-harm dramatically and was significantly more self-confident. During these past few years of counselling, I learnt more about myself than the previous 22 years. I learnt that life is not immutable or “black or white”, and that different decisions have different consequences. Donella illuminated me on the fact being happy was not about being problem-free, but rather about how I handle myself emotionally during problematic times. She taught me how to plant the seeds of self-love.

All in all, she is more than a counsellor, Donella has been my life coach, my best adviser, the single most significant factor in my personal growth. She has helped me to heal my relationship with myself, my partner, my mother, my past. She witnessed my worst moments and never ceased to believe in me and my potential to get better, even when I felt like giving up. Donella has helped me develop into the best possible version of myself and I am eternally grateful to her. Thank you Donella… thank you Reach.

M.C. (Berlin)

“When you are laboring for others let it be with the same zeal as if it were for yourself”.

Confucius (551 BC – 479 BC)

Donella has seen me at my rock bottom, after suicide attempts & after the death of my loved ones. She has brought me back from the brink of no return. She never told me I was ‘silly for doing that’, instead she has given me the courage to face the next day, told me that I am important to others, & is helping me to be comfortable with who I am & to see the positive in myself.

It’s hard to talk to family & friends about my severe depression, but I can talk to Donella about anything & when really low I can call her & leave a message. I don’t easily trust people with my thoughts & feelings, but Donella I trust completely. Without her help, I can honestly say I don’t think I would still be here today.

Wendy Johnson, London

“Saving our planet, lifting people out of poverty, advancing economic growth… these are one and the same fight. We must connect the dots between climate change, water scarcity, energy shortages, global health, food security and women’s empowerment. Solutions to one problem must be solutions for all”.

Ban Ki-moon (1944 – present)

Thank you for everything you have done for me on my journey. I understand that I have done exceptionally well and I also understand that this was made possible by those around me. It has been three powerful years working with you and during those three years you have helped shaped the way I now see life dramatically. Thank you for the patience, understanding and all the things you have showed me during this process. You have showed me how to love others around me and how to love myself which I am truly grateful for and will continue to take advantage of. Sincerely God bless and thank you for you.

Amare, UK

Dear Narinder

I was someone that you counselled until early last year (2019).

I am sending this card to let you know what has happened to me since I stopped the sessions with you.

Truth be told, last year was the best that I have felt mentally and spiritually for a very long time. I am still writing and have a publisher interested in the autobiography that I am ghost writing. I have visited places at home and abroad and generally just feel a lot better about myself.

To be honest, without your honesty, advice and empathy I would not be here at this time. So, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for not ridiculing me. Thank you for your advice. And thank you for letting me be me.

You saved my life and the gratitude I feel for what you did is immense.

Wishing you & your loved ones all the best.

Anonymous

Avril

Sat is a wonderful and skilled coach who I am glad to have had the pleasure to work with. He has helped me gain confidence and improve my composure in my work life and beyond; from speaking to people over the phone, writing up supporting documents to tackling interviews. Sat uses a holistic approach which sees no stone is left unturned, through this he has provided guidance and expertise every step of the way and has opened my mind, encouraging me to believe that you can make a difference and be the best you can possibly be.

With Sat’s help I was able to professionally express my abilities in my CV, at interviews and throughout daily life. During an application I made for a new job I was required to conceptualise and build a video game. Sat helped me cultivate a game plan which was a significant part in developing a unique game that met the requirements of the brief. I have since been successful at securing a better position in line with my career goals. Without Sat’s help the process would have been that much more difficult, and I wouldn’t have been as self-assured that I would succeed.

I highly recommend Sat as he is someone who has the knowledge, experience and attitude that encourages you to succeed. Fantastic coach, thank you for all your help!

Darrel Leigh

Firstly, I would like to thank Donella and Reach, because I was so lost before I met her and my life was upside down. I was in a women’s refuge and filled with pain and anger. I hated myself and how my life had turned out; life wasn’t fair, people and the system had let me down and I was so very confused.

With Donella’s help and support I am learning to release my pain, my anger and my deep sadness and to forgive myself. I have experienced other therapists in the past but never stuck with them because I didn’t feel comfortable. It’s different with Donella: she is very kind and she makes me feel heard, valued and understood. I feel very comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts with her and for the first time I have been able to speak about my pain and trauma.

I know I still have some way to go before I am fully healed from my past pain and trauma and Donella is helping me on my way by teaching me how to love myself by taking better care of myself and reflecting on situations so I can make better decisions for my life.

While writing this I’m realising how lucky I am to have found Donella because without her I would have most likely stayed stuck in a self destructive cycle. Now I have a chance of living a better life because I feel hopeful that I can create a life of peace and happiness. A big thank you to Donella for believing in me!

Anonymous, London UK